The Gift With No Home

Written by Allison Erlewine

There are few things that are more special than working with kids during Christmas time. Some of my fondest memories come from the pure joy that children have when Christmas trees start going up and winter break is nearing. We all know that kids love receiving gifts, but they always surprise me with how much they love to give, too. I remember one December in particular – I was brought to tears when a child gifted me a set of decorative dish towels. 

They were beautiful. One was white with poinsettias on it, and the other had a written design, “Merry Christmas”. I was humbled by the generosity of the child who gave me this gift, but it wasn’t long before my heart sank and reality set in: I didn’t have a kitchen to put them in.

I was going through a devastating divorce and life as I knew it had been turned upside down. Just 2 weeks prior, I walked away from the place I called home and temporarily moved in with my mother to get back on my feet. I didn’t have a plan, the future was uncertain, and I was quickly sinking into depression. What a small thing these dish towels were, but what a big reminder of how much I had just lost. 

I wanted a husband, children, and a home to love and tend to. Those things had always been my dream. But the dish towels had no home to go in, with no family to decorate for. I was still very young with no children and had plenty of time to look ahead to the future, but at the time I felt very much like my dreams had died with my marriage. 

Years have passed by since that dark time in my life, but I am always reminded each Christmas season of the path that led me to where I am now. Strangely enough, I was reminded of it just the other day as I was looking at a houseplant. As the weather has gotten colder, the petals on my orchid have fallen off. I’m no green thumb, and I’ve never had an orchid before, so I began to wonder if it was dying. I searched online for the answer, and it said, “…its blooms will wilt and fall off, making many orchid plant parents worry that their orchid has died.” 

I was happy to find out the orchid was fine, but this wasn’t the first time I wrongfully thought something had died. It felt silly, but my thoughts instantly connected the fate of the orchid to what I felt all those years ago when I opened the gift of the dish towels – the belief that all hope was lost.

Being in my early twenties, it was the first time in my life that I felt I didn’t have clear answers regarding what I should do next, and that led to a whole new experience of clinging to God in a way I had never done before. The questions of “why” constantly flooded my mind: Why is this happening to me? Why right now? Why does life have to be so hard? 

In those times, all I could do was cling to God’s promises. He promises to strengthen me, help me, and to work out all things for good (Isaiah 41:10 & Romans 8:28). I understand now that He lit my path just enough for me to see my feet, and while I was desperately begging for Him to shine a flashlight ahead, I’m glad He didn’t. I learned to trust that only He knows what the future holds and that He knows what He is doing. I don’t need to worry about what life will look like ten steps ahead. I just need to be with Him in each moment, trusting His power to work in my life. 

Thankfully I did my research and held on to God’s promises as He brought me through the darkness, and I eventually made it out on the other side. When I was reading the article about the orchid, it went on to say that losing its petals is indicative of it being in a resting period so it can store up energy to eventually rebloom. All I could think is “Man, it’s a good thing I didn’t trash it.” The author of the article knows from experience that new blooms will eventually come, and that a barren plant doesn’t mean all hope is lost. God knew the same about my life. 

I may not have had a kitchen to put the towels in, but I had a God who knew what He was doing.

I’ll be getting out the Christmas decor soon, and I held onto those towels as the years passed by. They will be displayed in their usual spot this year – in the kitchen I now have. And when everything is in its place, I’ll stand back and marvel at my answered prayers – my husband of four years, and our daughter…in our cozy home enjoying the holiday season together.